Do you understand?

Do you understand the constant need to be a jerk to others? Well I do. Do you know what it is like to have to turn to excessiveness for everything? I do. Do you know how it feels to fight for everything? I do. Do you know how it feels to know that I will never be a girly girl because I am forced to be a fighter every minute of every day? It SUCKS.

Everyday I am told how negative I am, yet *someone* posts these bible versus about not lying and cheating and stealing and *someone* judges those very posts. It is quite different when I put it like that is it not?

Everyday I am affected by some unforseen issue. The laziness of not following through in *someones* job is the most frequent issue. Beginning in October we have heard "its the holiday". That translates to I do not have to do anything. It is so fustrating and leads me into excessive tactics. While you are perfectly fine and it is "just" a runny nose when you sneeze and wipe that same nose at Walmart (because walmart trips are vital) then touch the carts it effects me. When you want to be lazy and just transfer the messages, you delay treatment. When I have to google and find out you cut corners because "it is the holiday" it infuriates me which in turn makes ME negative and judgemental of YOU, so before you go pointing that finger THINK.

I may be judgy and negative or whatever word you want to use but you damn well know where I stand. I am an open book, last time I checked lying is not polite or acceptable.

Lastly I would love to know how it feels to have a kid not to worry about. Your smoking outside is adorable. I have to walk through it everyday. No way to avoid it. Oh you feed your kid milk and she is ok? Yea, not mine. Oh every kid talks by two? Not mine so do your job and help me figure out why. Your kid is perfect. Mine is not. I get it. I get why I get a kid that has issues but for the sake of God, please understand while she walks and babbles normally that she succeeds everyday by my incessant pushing. The same push that allows me to not keep friends (except one) because I have to push to live. It is what I do to get things done and move on, and most importantly, to be a mother, a wife, a lifter, a nurse, a woman with understanding and persistance.