Pulling from the pack....

I have had a very rough couple of weeks. Just from every aspect. I really cannot catch a break. The gym has been great and I feel better about bench than ever before primarly because if speed and leg use. I feel as if a bigger bench is on the way! As far as being a Mommy, Amelya is growing, almost too fast. She is eating real food and openly asserting herself. Her sleep study is resecheduled for the end of May to see where we need to go.. We are dosing daily meds along with stopping formula and vit d milk and progressing to raw milk and/or coconut milk. I am ok with all of this, but not with other things. I  so often given people so much slack and trust to be adults I believe it has finally burned me. I seriously dislike people. I try so hard to please and help and it is unappreciated. I am sure some of the people who read this may or may not believe, or some at least feel the need to do the right thing I hope, but for me I feel like a good Christian always attempts to do the right thing. Trust. We have blind trust in God why not others? We are made in his image right? Why so frequently am I disappointed in people when I know they are either very faithful or extremly unfaithful and manage to surprise me with their actions? Prehaps I need to stick to my spouse and my daughter for a while. We are not holy rollers, nor are atheists but we trust and respect one another. We always will. Prehaps that is the very issue, I do not demand it myself so how do I recieve it? Much like the gym and dieting... I must go and eat right to expect a big pull or squat, so now I must demand trust.  Pull away from the pack.

The power of....

The power of.... I think alot of things are mental:  how good of a parent a person can be, how someone feels, how strong they are. I think as far as parenting two good, strong and open parents can rear a well behaved, appropriate and strong child. I think doing things you want your child to do (action) gives positive and good reinforcement on proper behavior expected of that child even at Amelya's age. Amelya is not perfect, she gets cranky when she is tired, she has difficulty self soothing at times and most importantly, her heart is repaired with small issues that we hope will resolve on their own.... this all leads me into caring for a child with long term medical issues. I have long been a part of a mothers group on facebook and in real life. As time goes on some babies have been diagnosed with short term issues and some long. I am unsure if I am bitter or just hurt by it but I have noticed the mothers with short term issues make EVERYTHING a big deal. I feel like no one (with the exception of one mother) understands how I feel or how I worry nonstop. No one understands why I cannot get things done alot of the time (I will not risk her getting sick) or that the only time I get gym time is if my wonderful grandparents watch her. No one understands that as parents Michael and myself are willing and taking alot of precautions  to keep Amelya healthy (handwashing, shoes off at the door, no exposure to other kiddos) and that is not what I am ranting about. I am ranting about mothers who overreact over simple issues like posts not answered on facebook or vision issues or dry skin.... Fixable issues. I complain about reflux and  feel bad for ranting about it when sweet Kirby is in heaven and I know her parents would love to have our simple issues...  Which brings me to... I seriously sometimes  wonder when complaining about anything becomes in excess and when being humble is a better option.

On the note of excess my bench seems to be coming along smoothly as does Michaels and I am very happy. I have also found out that tea tree oil can tqke the stink out of wraps and sleeves pretty well, which is a bonus for our rehbands. I would also like to mention I am pretty irritated with the people at our gym who think Michael and myself have to share a bench because we workout togeather. No. No. No. I pay a membership so get off your horse and deal with it. These people complaining are the ones who frequently do it and honestly everytime I look at them they are being unsafe or showing more skin than I care for... I should complain but I am 34 not 14. They need to grow up.

Squats, Co-ops and cloth wipes

So.... I squatted 315 x 2 with wraps and a belt. It has been forever and it felt really good. I think I have some small issues in trusting my wraps.  I have been reeeeeeally raw (no wraps or sleeves) for two years now so having to relearn is just, well, new. I am really getting the feel for calling my own weights as well. Bench seems to be on the up and up but well, it IS bench (you know, the part where you lie down for rest between the real lifts). Diet wise  Carb backloading is at a stand still now but I am really watching the carbs and I feel like the heavier weights are converting fat into muscle (Yea I read that in an article, it is totally true). In seriousness I am seeing a fat loss but the scale is not moving. Disappointing but expected. On that note I joined a vege co-op and got the trial basket today... Worth what we paid but no more. I made a quiche out of it and it turned out great!!! This week we also converted to cloth wipes... Because yes I am that cheap and "crunchy" mother. Why have I NEVER done cloth wipes before now?  I am in love and tea tree oil is A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. I am totally addicted. It got the smell put of our neoprene rhebands and it cleans like everything. On another note Amelya is refluxing BAD again. I mean wake her up in the middle of the night and reflux on the bed bad. All the docs want to talk to one another to make sure it is ok and then it takes forever and at this point I may use up the old meds.